The Heroes Parody Project 5
by Spencer44
Summary: Mohinder discusses with Niki and the gang on how to deal with Barbara/Tracy, but he gets distracted. Angela brings a distressing issue to some old "friends". And Hiro helps Claire become qualified for her new job.
1. A Clear And Present Stranger

**The Heroes Parody Project  
Season 5  
Chapter 1**

**Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue. **

_**This holiday season**_**…**

Claire grabs her equipment.

_**The most anticipated movie of...the holiday season…**_

Claire walks toward the camera, prepared.

_**The sequel…to one of 2012's blockbuster films…of 2012. Who's writing this?!**_

Claire: My name is Clairebear Everdeen. And this…is 'The Heroes Games'.

_**Previously…**_

Claire is walking around the woods, trying to hunt.

Claire: It sure does stink being poor and living in the slums while your family starves to death. Makes me think of a song.

She puts on a Little Orphan Annie wig.

Claire (singing): _It's a hard knock life…for us! It's a hard knock life…for us! 'steada treated…_

West: Claire?

Claire: AAAAHHH!

Claire rips off the wig, pulling out some of her own hair.

Claire: AAAHHHH!

Claire spins around.

Claire: It's YOU! What are you doing in the thicket?!

West: I was worried about….wait. Did you just call this a thicket?!

Claire: Yeah. It's a thicket, isn't it?

West: It's more like a woods.

Claire: Same thing.

West: Seriously, who says thicket anymore?

Back at the Everdeen residence.

Lyle (to Claire): Why do I have to play your sister?! I look ridiculous in this getup! And I'm pretty sure the sister didn't have pigtails!

Claire: Oh, Prim…..shut up.

She checks her watch.

Claire: Oh crap! I'm late for Reaping Day!

She joins everyone outside while on stage, Elle walks out wearing ten tons of makeup and sporting a large pink wig.

Elle: I'm Ellie Trinkett and I'd like to say hellooo slumidents!...You know…Slum…residents?...Whatever. Anyway I'm here to announce the new tributes to participate in the 405th Heroes Games!...Or whatever number it is. I can't concentrate because I'm suffering from makeup poisoning.

Elle pulls a name out of the bowl.

Elle: Primrose….

Lyle shoots out of his seat.

Lyle: I VOLUNTEER MY SISTER AS TRIBUTE!

Claire: WHAT?!

Elle: Works for me! Clairbear Everdeen! Come on down!

The Price Is Right music blares throughout the sector as Claire gets pushed to the front.

Claire: Ow! OOF! Stop pushing! Did someone just poke me with something?! I'm bleeding! I'm actually bleeding…AHHH!

Elle: The next tribute is….

Peter: ME! Peter Mallark!

Claire: Peter! What are you doing here?!

Peter: Uh, the guy's name is Peter, of course I'll be filling the role.

Claire: A. It's Peeta. Peeta Mallark.

Peter: Really? Everyone keeps saying that, I just assumed everyone in the movie was British…

Claire: and B. Gross! You know you're my uncle, right? We're supposed to have a fakey on screen love interest in each other later!

Peter: Of course I knew that! That's why I had the writers alter the script a little. Now we're just _besties_.

Claire: _What-ies!?_

Peter: Come here, you old hound dog!

Peter puts Claire in a head-lock and starts giving her a noogie.

Claire: AHHHHH! You're bruising my brain bone! STOP IT!

Later,

Lyle: I'm giving you back this pin with the stupid looking bird on it.

Claire: The Mockingjay Pin?! I love it!

Lyle: What? You originally gave that to me. I don't want it! Take it back! Pawn it! I don't care; just get it out of my sight!

A train heads to The Capitol, Clairebear and Peter Mallark stare out the window.

Peter: It's purty! Though not as pretty as the handsome devil on the other side of this window.

Claire: Peter, that's your reflection.

Peter: Well, hello there, handsome devil.

Claire: Ugh…

Meanwhile, Nate-mitch Abernathy bursts in.

Claire: _Nate-mitch!?_ Oh, come on! Now you're just stretching it…

Nathan: Okay, kiddos. This Hunger Games….this is the night….the most important night of your lives! You will die if you're not careful! I and only I know how to save you. Now listen to these words of wisdom.

Nate-mitch barrels over a trash can.

Nathan: BLLLEEEEEHHHHHHHH!

Claire: You…you okay there, buddy?

Nathan: Yes, for you see I…(barrels over) BLEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Later,

Mohinder: Clairebear!

Claire: What?

Mohinder: I'm your fashion stylist personal emotional life coach picker upper…Cinnamon!

Claire: _Cinnamon!?_

Mohinder: What? Oh, _Nate-mitch_ gets a pass and you're giving me crap for Cinnamon!?

Claire: No, they're both equally stupid names.

Mohinder: You're going to do great, kid!

Claire: But…

Mohinder: GOD! Why are you so whiny!? You're not the only one with problems!

Claire: What?! I thought you were my…forget it. I'm off to the games. Wish me luck!

Mohinder: Oh, it's just all about YOU, isn't it?

Claire: I have GOT to get me a new fashion stylist personal emotional life coach picker upper.

LIVE FROM THE CAPITOL….

Matt: I'm Matthew Parkerman…and THIS….is the 367th HEROES GAMES!

Audience Member: It's the 405th, you nerd!

Matt (points): DEATH!

Someone runs up and bags the audience member, dragging them off.

(Canned applause)

Matt: Anyway, welcome to The Heroes Games, I'm joined by my beautiful co-host….my face. Which special thanks to Ellie Trinket for unknowingly letting me break into her trailer and steal whatever makeup she had lying on the counter.

Elle (in her trailer): WHAT!? Oh that's it….where's my rid wig symbolizing rage? (Notices it's missing). Oh, he's so dead!

Matt: Here she is! The girl who walked through fire and never got burned! Because that's totally catchy!

Claire walks out in a dress and spins around, the dress catches on fire.

Claire: AHHHH!

Two crew members run out and extinguish her.

Matt: Clairebear, here you are….your first Heroes games…..you're burnt to a crisp and standing in front of millions of people in your underwear. How do you feel?

Claire coughs out some soot.

Claire: Like a million bucks, Matthew.

**That was last year….today….she faces new challenges. Now your feature presentation. The movie starts….now!**

Judge: I hereby find the cast of Heroes GUILTY for copyright infringement. Pay the accusing party 100 million dollars.

Noah: Why are we representing the show in court? Shouldn't the creators or producers or someone else be responsible? I wasn't even in the stupid parody.

Matt (dressed as President Snow, stroking his white beard): Well, maybe if you would have done better at auditions you could have won a role. Like myself.

Elle storms up to Matt dressed as President Snow.

Elle: What the hell is THIS!?

Matt: Uh….

Claire: Are we done now? Can we start our actual show seeing as we probably don't have a budget anymore?

Peter: I agree with Claire. Let's get this show on the road you old hound dog!

Peter headlocks her and starts giving her a noogie.

Claire: AHHHH! OW! STOP THAT DAMMIT!

Judge: Court adjourned!

BANG!

Claire shoots up in her bed, looking around.

Claire: Huh?...Whew….It was all a dream.

Claire's bed stars rising up.

Claire: Wha…WHAT'S GOING ON!?

The bedroom ceiling opens up to a sprawling area leading into forest.

Matt: THE HEROES GAMES HAVE OFFICIALLY BEGUN!

Everybody starts running out getting supplies.

Claire (running): But I haven't brushed my teeth yet!

BANG!

Claire shoots up in her bed, looking around.

Claire: Was it a dream?

Claire grabs her cell phone. She received a message from Peter.

'_Claire, it's Pete…'_

Claire: Pete!? Nobody calls him Pete.

She continues reading.

'_You're right. Nobody does call me Pete. I wonder why_.

Claire looks confused for a second.

'_Anyway, you may be confused about what's going on. You may have felt you were doing something then it seemed like everything changed. Well, it did. Long story short Linderman had Hiro trapped in a device called Genesis: Redux so he could relive the events of season one to prevent his death without the butterfly effect screwing up the rest of the world. After the solar eclipse which gave Sylar's old assistant Jax the ability to bring back the dead he revived my father, Arthur, and he took control of the device himself. He also had the program set to combine the Redux world and our world into one and make it into the world he wanted. Most of us were going to be dead. I managed to stop him quickly since we didn't have to worry about having a big budget climactic battle since that's our trademark and all.'_

Claire nods her head in agreement.

'_But I manage to reset our real world the best I could, some people's memories may be a little fuzzy, but they might still remember what happen before the change. So if you were in trouble before, you may still be in trouble now. I'm driving an ambulance!_'

Claire: Well, that was a weird transition.

'_Anyway, this person probably isn't going to make it if I don't get to the hospital. So I better stop texting. Behold, your brave new world. Thanks to me…Pete!'_

Claire: Well, I'm not going to call him Pete. That's for sure.

Claire gets out of bed.

Claire: Did the world change? Last I remember my biological mother was taking me and Mohinder to Samuel Sullivan's carnival. That wasn't fun. But….I'm here now. Maybe this is a new world. Maybe things are finally going to change for the better.

Claire looks over to see The Bennet family dressed in camouflage equipment.

Claire: And how long have you all been standing there watching me talk to myself like a crazy person!? You could have said something!

Sandra: Good morning, dear. We noticed you talking to yourself and we didn't want to bug you.

Lyle: Weirdo.

Noah: Get dressed Claire bear….we're going…

Claire: I'm going to stop you there, dad. We're not going on another vacation; you remembered what happened last time.

Noah: This isn't a vacation….it's work.

Claire: Wo….wo….wo…..wor….What?

Noah: We're going hunting! _Duck Dynasty style_.

Claire: What the hell did you just say?!

Sandra: We just caught on to it and it's our favorite show. So get your gear on and let's go hunt some ducks. But don't think for one second that Mister Muggles isn't going to be a good duck hunting dog.

Noah: So suit up!

They get out their duck callers and blow into them.

Claire jaw remains dropped.

BANG!

Claire shoots up in her bed.

Claire: It was all a dream.

Noah: No, you passed out and bashed your head on your dresser. Get dressed already!

Claire looks around.

Claire: ….BANG!...bang?...crap…..

**As the world turns…**

**HEROES**

A man walks into a room filled with pictures on corkboards. He shuffles through some papers and sits down. He holds up a family picture of D.L Hawkins, Niki Sanders, and Micah Sanders. He continues to look at the picture.

**Claire Bennet  
The Bennet Home  
A few blocks down from the Waffle House built on the Ancient Indian Burial Ground**

Claire walks into the kitchen while the Bennet's continue to pack their things.

Claire: Dad?

Noah: Yes, Claire?

Claire: As much as I do enjoy the Bennet Family Theme Weeks…

Noah: Except for last week when it was "The Voice" week. Those spinning chairs almost killed your brother.

Claire: I actually have plans.

Noah: They weren't approved by me, so they're not plans. I have a record of every approved plan written down.

Noah checks his list.

Noah: I last have you checked in…using the potty for the very first time.

Claire: …

Noah: …

Claire: That….sounds….outdated.

Noah: That DOES sound outdated. (Checks his notes). Either you've led a really boring life or you've been doing a LOT of unapproved activities, young lady.

Claire: Hey, that's great. Anyway, I have a job interview to go to.

Noah: A job interview?

Claire: Yes….how did I know that? (It must be one of the things Peter set me up with in my new world….Thanks, Pete! AHH! I called him Pete! I told myself I wasn't going to do that! Well, I'm definitely not doing it anymore. Starting…..NOW).

Noah: You know we're filming right?

Claire: I know that! Anyway, I have a job interview at 3:00 and I wouldn't dare miss it.

Noah: I wouldn't either. Luckily for you we'll be done by noon.

Claire: It's already 11:00!

Noah: No, it's actually 6 am. Thanks to Super Duper Daylight Saving Time.

Claire: I beg your pardon?

Noah: Don't you remember? It's that time of year when we set the clocks back five hours because I…I…I don't know we just do it. Seems like it just started recently….like….today.

Claire: Damn it, Pete!

Noah: Who's Pete?

Claire: Pete…Petrelli?

Noah: Is he somehow affiliated with Peter Petrelli?

Claire: They're….the same guy?

Noah: Why are you calling him Pete?!

Claire: I don't know! It was an accident!

Noah: Well, it's weird. Stop it! Nobody calls him Pete!

Claire: I stopped it! Why are you making such a big deal about it?

Sandra: What's going on, you two?

Noah: Claire just called Peter "Pete".

Sandra: But nobody calls him Pete! Oh, Claire, how could you do this to your family?

Claire: I'm going back to bed.

**Elle Bishop  
Level 5 Corrections, The New Company  
Get four incarcerations on your punch card, get your fifth crime free of charges! Wait…**

Elle walks down the corridor past the jail cells of level five. A night stick bangs along the bars as she walks. A janitor is busy scrubbing graffiti off the wall:

**Volume Nine "Wonders"**

**Chapter One "A Clear And Present Stranger"**

She stops at the jail cell of…

Elle: Well, well….Mister Samuel Sullivan…

Samuel, in the prison _behind___her, waves his hand.

Samuel: I'm over here.

Elle: I know…I'm trying not to look stupid. Just play along.

Samuel: Well, you could at least talk to a cell with someone in it.

Elle spins around.

Elle: I'll be asking the questions! What are you doing here?

Samuel: You imprisoned me. I didn't come here on my own free will.

Elle: Well, you're up to something bad. I know it. I can feel it….(points to her chest) in here…..my left lung. The right one is indifferent. But the two of them never did see eye to eye.

Samuel: Your….lungs?

Elle: The right one means well….but he's been problematic ever since he was a child. But under that tough exterior…lies a broken soul with a heart of gold. He feels it too….right in his lungs. The left one.

Samuel: I'm so confused.

Elle: I'll be back, Samuel. We're going to make you talk….at least….I will.

She holds up her arm while electricity surges through it.

Samuel: That's nice.

Elle: It really is. Haven't used it in a while. Our show is incredibly broke.

Samuel: Just be warned, little girl.

Elle: Little!? Wait, was that a complement? If so, thank you. If not, you're a jerk!

Samuel: I know where I came from. I know exactly what happened to me, you, and everybody else.

Elle: L…Losing….interest….can't….hold on….

Samuel: It's not going to be long until I'm freed from this cage. I had a plan set into motion. And don't think Peter Petrelli's little Redux stunt is going to set me back. We're going to pick up exactly where we left off.

Elle: Elle makes her way to the conference room, where fellow agents Sylar and Ted Sprague await her return.

Samuel: ….

Elle: Hmm? Oh! Ha, ha! That was supposed to actually happen. I walk away….because you're boring the crap out of me.

Samuel: I'm in the middle of threatening you! You can't just walk away! That's…just…well, rude!….

Elle: Yeah….about that…..

Elle makes her way to the conference room, where fellow agents Sylar and Ted Sprague await her return.

Ted: How did it go?

Elle: You two are employed here!

Sylar and Ted look at each other.

Sylar: We know…

Elle: He's not talking. But he's up to something bad. We gotta make him talk. So I call torture!

Ted: You could just read his mind….I'm sure somebody we know can do that.

Elle: …Molly Walker.

Sylar: WHAT?! NO!

Ted: What is WITH you people always resorting to her?

Elle: She's useful-ish.

Ted: Let's get Matt Parkman to do the deed. Then if that doesn't work….then torture.

Sylar: Since when did you become all goody goody?

Ted (flashes a card): It's my Karma Kard….if I do 4 good things I get to be an evil bastard on the fifth punch.

Sylar: Awww man, I always lose mine after the 3rd punch.

Elle: Sylar, first off you have never successfully done anything good or evil because you can't decide what team you want to be on.

Sylar: Speaking of which, why am I even here!?

Elle: Second, I call the shots because I'm the Vice Prez…so what I say goes…so move out….so to the torture store!

**Niki Sanders  
The Sanders Residence  
Stop asking about The Damn Colonel!**

Niki wakes up to her cell phone buzzing, D.L is asleep next to her.

Niki: Um….….okay.

She grabs her phone and listens to her messages.

Niki: Oh it's Tracy…..she's enjoying her vacation….she sucks. I want to go on a vacation.

D.L wakes up.

D.L: Morning.

Niki: Good morning.

D.L: Um…..is this?

Niki: Don't know. Just running with it.

D.L: Okay….man, the big day is almost here.

Niki: What big day?

D.L: What? You forgot? It's Micah's graduation.

Niki: Graduation….from what?

D.L: Um…school?

Niki: I didn't think grade schools had big graduations.

D.L: He's 18! He's graduating from high school.

Niki: WH…WHAT!?

D.L: How have you not known this? Where have you been? I've been in prison and even I knew how old he was.

Niki: But he's been 10 for the last eight years! What's happening around here?

D.L: It's okay; we have plenty of time for it. Was that your sister?

Niki: Yeah….she's on vacation, looks like she won't be joining…

Niki stops dead in her tracks, as Tracy is standing in their bedroom doorway.

Niki: …us…?

D.L: Um….hey….Tracy.

Tracy walks in and stands over.

Tracy: Hello sister of mine…..we never met before.

Niki and D.L exchange looks.

Niki: I'm pretty sure we have. They've all been under stilly circumstances so I don't blame you if you want to forget.

Tracy: I died the other day.

Niki and D.L exchange looks again.

Niki: Uh….you…look….pretty alive to me, unless we have another Linderman situation on our hands…ha ha…ha….that's not funny, why am I laughing?...So….Tracy….what's this all about? You're kinda giving me the creeps.

Tracy: Why are you calling me Tracy…..?

Niki: ….

D.L: …..

Tracy: My name is Barbara. I'm your sister.

Niki: GURK!

D.L: UHHH….

Niki: Hey, since we're having a big happy family reunion let's give Tracy a call.

Niki dials her number, holding up a finger to "Barbara".

Niki: One sec.

The phone in Barbara's pocket rings.

Barbara: I was wondering why this was ringing.

She takes the phone out and crushes it with her hand.

Niki: Ooh….that's….interesting. Hope you aren't under contract. Because phones….

D.L: Yeah. Phones!

Niki: Very expensive without a contract. Very expensive. Um….however, you can have my phone. There's not many minutes left and the reception is terrible and text messages always send to random strangers but it does dispense bubblegum out the back. It's delicious! See? (Pops one in her mouth). MMMM, hard as a rock! I just lost a crown on my tooth. You can have that if you want it. Aren't we just the best of friends you don't want to cause physical harm to?

She turns to D.L.

Niki: I have kind of a bad feeling about this.

D.L: YOU THINK!?

Barbara: There's only one thing I want.

She holds out her arm as a large kitchen knife flies into her hand.

Barbara: _And that's to slit both your throats_.

Niki: OH MY GLOB!

D.L grabs Niki and pull her close to him, they both fall through the bed as Barbara plunges the knife into the mattress. D.L and Niki fall through the ground and into the basement, slamming on the ground.

Niki: OOF!...Oh….man, I'm glad we have a basement.

D.L: What the hell was that?!

Niki: That….was….Barbara!

D.L: I know that!…Where's Tracy?

Niki: Well….she had her phone. So my long lost sister killer her OR…..

D.L: Is….Barbara….Tracy's "Jessica"?

Niki: (Shudder), I certainly hope not.

Barbara flings the door open to the basement.

Niki: WAIT! Don't kill us! We'll pay you….with….jokes! (To D.L) Quick! Tell me a joke!

D.L: I don't know any jokes!

Tracy: Niki! Are you guys okay?!

Niki and D.L scoot back slowly.

Tracy: Don't worry, it's me.

D.L: How do we know that?

Tracy: You're still breathing.

Niki: That's an acceptable excuse.

D.L: I agree.

Tracy: I think we have a problem.

Niki: Did you bring me back anything from your vacation?

D.L: Really..?

The Bennet family Chrysler Sedan pulls into the forest. They get out at their camp.

Claire: This is ridiculous! How are we supposed to pull off this family outing in this thicket and be finished by the time my interview starts?

Noah grabs Claire's shoulders.

Noah: Clairebear….do you trust me?

Claire: What?

Noah: Do you trust me?

Claire (looks suspicious): I….guess….yeah.

Noah: Good. Because I accidentally mistook Super Duper Daylight savings time for this week when it was actually next week. Your interview starts in 5 minutes.

Claire: GUFFUH!?

Noah: Now that THAT'S out of the way. You two kids….did you just call this place a thicket?

Claire: (sigh)….yes….

Noah: Weird….anyway, you two kids set up the tent. Ma and I….

Sandra: And Muggles, the bestest huntin dog in all the west!

Noah: Grand….we will get food.

Claire: I'm getting the feeling that we're….just hunting and camping.

Noah: Duck Dynasty style. Ducks Assemble!

Lyle and Sandra pull out their duck callers and blow into them along with Noah.

Claire: Okay, hold the phone. Have you guys even seen the show?

Noah: Claire! Are you doubting our family's time in front of the television?

Claire: Uh…yeah…I kinda am.

Sandra: Oh, Claire! How could you do this to your family?

Claire: I mean…I've seen the damn show. They don't go out and hunt all the time and blow into duck callers. They sit around, on their butts, making duck callers while going on crazy misadventures and ending every episode with a huge family dinner that I don't buy AT ALL. It's like they have Thanksgiving every day. Nope, real families don't act like that at all. They're not normal like our family.

She turns to Lyle.

Claire: Did you just cut off one of my ears with your pocket knife?!

Lyle: Relax, it'll grow back….I need a candy dish for my M&M's.

Claire: My ears aren't that big! (PUNCH!)

Lyle: OW!

Claire: And…gross….

Lyle: She acts like I'm not going to sterilize it first.

Claire finds a note pinned to a tree.

**Claire-**

**This is your father; we left in the middle of your rant about how you're not a real member of the family because you disapprove of Duck Dynasty. Went to find food. You two better have that tent set up by the time we get back or you're not a real member of the family.**

**-Dad**

Claire: Why doesn't Lyle get in trouble for this?

She looks back down at the note.

**And don't bring your brother into this. He's a good boy. Isn't that right, Mr. Muggles?**

**-Mom**

**WOOF!**

**-Muggles**

**Hey! Give me all your money!**

**-Robber**

**What are you, an idiot!? We're in the middle of the woods!**

**-Dad**

**Don't antagonize him, Noah! Just give him something!**

**-Mom**

**I don't negotiate with terrorists!**

**-Dad**

**Whoa, man! That's a little extreme! I just wanna steal your wallet, use the cash to get some booze and rack up your credit card for an ipad or something….sheesh!**

**-Robber**

**I don't have any money! So get lost!**

**-Dad**

**Then I'm taking the girl!**

**-Robber**

Claire looks up from the note, she finds herself tied up in a tent with the robber.

Robber (to Claire): I took you.

Claire: Man, I really need to work on my awareness….

Niki, D.L and Tracy run out of the house and to the house next to theirs.

D.L: Why are we running again? The killer is travelling with us!

Niki: I don't know! I need to get help…or something.

Niki runs up to the door and pounds on it. Matt answers.

Matt: Hey, it's Nik…

Niki grabs the door and slams it shut.

Niki: Wrong house.

Matt (opening the door): Oh, Niki, you crazy gal. (To Tracy and D.L) We go way back. Man….all our adventures over the years.

-Flashback-

Matt turns to Niki in their top down convertible.

Matt: Ready, Thelma?

Niki: Ready, Louise!

-Wait-

Niki: Do you seriously think I'm going to let you set up a pointless Thelma and Louise flashback that never happened without me ramming my fist through your windpipe?!

Matt: Okay…okay…So, our adventures…

-Resume-

Matt: Let's do this!

Matt drives the car into the car wash.

Niki: Um….why aren't we plummeting to our deaths?

Matt: Never finished the movie.

Niki: You stopped watching at the car scene? That was the very end of the movie!

Matt: Yeah, I'm really bad about that.

Niki: At least put the top up! We're going into a car wash!

Matt: Doesn't have one.

Niki: WHAT!?

Water starts spraying on them.

Niki: AHHHHH!

Matt: AHHHH!

Niki: Dammit, Matt! I'm getting soaked!

Matt: Help! My neckerchief is absorbing the water and strangling me! I can't breathe!

Niki: Good!

The start getting sprayed with soap.

Niki (spitting): AHHH! YUCK! Who the hell drives into a car wash with the top down?!

Matt: The Rich! (spits out soap)

Niki: Now it's in my eyes, which are now burning. This day….I swear….

Matt: BRUSH!

Two giant blue brushes slam against them.

Niki: OW! Oh….oh man this sucks…

Matt: We're okay….we're about to be dried off with the industrial driers.

FWWWOOOOOOOOOOOM!

Niki hair is standing on end while Matt's dress flies up over his head.

Matt: Well, isn't this a fine "how do you do".

Niki: Just drive the damn car!

Matt: Okay…Okay….we're clear…..we're clear….we made it to the end.

Matt puts the car into reverse and slams on the gas, sending the car back into the wash.

Niki: NOOOO!

-End Plot Helping Flashback-

Meanwhile, Elle, Sylar and Ted arrive at…

Elle: Bed, Bath, and BeyAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! The world's most popular retail chain specializing in Torture Craft! OOH! They're having a Fall Clearance Sale on Iron Maidens! SCORE!

Sylar (to Ted): I want to know the name of the bank that approved the loan to open this type of place.

Elle: Excuse me, sir? Do you have anything for me?

Clerk: I'm sure we can find something. What kind of torture device are you looking for?

Elle: Anything that you can ring up and give me the "bubbly and super cute discount".

She twirls her finger in her hair until it's completely pulled out of her scalp and wrapped around her finger.

Sylar and Ted: UH!

Elle: Relax, it's just hair extensions.

She grabs with two hands and starts pulling down many feet of hair.

Ted: Are they Clown Hair Extensions?

She finishes pulling out her hair and reveals…

Elle: Yup. Totally rockin' the pixie cut. Makes me more bubbly and super cuter than usual, huh?

Sylar: I don't know. People are just going to confuse you for Daphne Millbrook.

Elle: Hmm. Good point.

Elle puts her fingertips to her head and jolts electricity, her hair grows back to its normal length.

Elle: Good as new!

Sylar: Bodies don't work like that!

Elle: Bodies do too work like that! I do it ALL the time!

Sylar: Prove it.

Elle looks at him smugly.

Elle, Sylar and Ted drive away from the torture store all sporting long, luxurious hair.

Sylar: Okay, Elle gets a point.

Elle: I always get the points!

Noah and Sandra are marching through the woods.

Sandra: Noah! I can't believe you let our daughter get kidnapped in the Season Premiere! I can't believe you'd do this to our family!

Noah: Not now, Sandra.

Sandra: Look! There's the robber's tent! We need to save our daughter. Ducks Assemble!

She holds up Muggles who has a Duck Caller in his mouth. He blows into it. Panicking, Noah clamps his hand over Muggles mouth.

GULP!

Noah: Uh oh…

Sandra lets out a very long gasp.

Sandra: What did you do?!

Muggles: WHACK!...WHACK! WHACK!

Sandra: AHHHHHHH!

Noah: SHHHHH!

Sandra: You broke my Muggles!

She slaps Noah several times in the arm.

Noah: Would you be quiet?! He's fine!

Sandra: FINE!? He's not fine! He's broke! This is how my first Muggles died! He choked to death on a duck caller!

Noah: For starters, it wasn't a duck caller….it was a Kazoo. And second….

Sandra: It's the same thing!

Noah: The Duck Dynasty fan club isn't going to appreciate THAT comment.

Sandra: I have to get him to an ER.

Noah: Now?! The dog isn't dead and our daughter is in that tent!

Sandra: I have faith you'll save her. I have to get back to camp. This conversation isn't over, mister!

Noah: Thanks for the warning.

Inside the tent, Claire wakes up wearing a giant beard.

Claire: Why am I wearing a giant beard?

Robber (shrugging): I don't know. It was in your backpack.

Claire: Yeah, I wouldn't be in this mess if my family didn't watch Duck Dynasty.

Robber: Seriously? Duck Dynasty is one of my favorite shows!

Claire: Of course it is…

Noah jumps through the tent and pulls a gun on the robber.

Noah: Freeze! You are going to pay seriously for taking my daughter. I can't do anything at the moment, but if you can meet me at this address in 5-7 business days my Haitian friend would like a word with you.

Robber: No, it's okay. Sorry for stealing your daughter. I never met a family so dedicated to the brilliance that is Duck Dynasty! You are the coolest dad I ever met!

Noah: Oh, well, thanks. Say, you look like a nice young chap….

Claire: Dad!

Noah: The family is about to eat a giant family feast in the middle of the woods to commemorate this week's family adventure….right after my wife gives our dog the Heimlich maneuver. You should join us!

Claire: Seriously?

Noah: Sure, the more the merrier! That's what _The Torkelsons_ would say.

Claire: THE TORKELSONS!? Okay, now I'm officially convinced none of you have seen the show…

Mohinder Suresh takes a sip of his tea.

Mohinder: Very interesting.

Niki: We haven't told you our problem yet. (motioning to Matt) And why are you two still living together?

Mohinder: It's where we ended up after the fall of Genesis: Redux. We both have skills that makes this team work efficiently. I'm the brilliant scientist, solving the world's most difficult equations….and he brings in the dough at his lucrative high paying job. It works.

Niki looks at Matt.

Matt (whispering): I haven't worked in MONTHS…

Niki: Well, I'm away from you two and I have my family back so I'm pretending in my mind that this whole Redux nonsense was for my benefit and it was a roaring success. Go me!

Mohinder: Well, luckily we did end up as your next door neighbors. Which if you could spare it, we could use a cup of sugar. Money's been a little tight lately.

Mohinder leans over to Niki.

Mohinder (whispering): I don't think Matt has worked in MONTHS…

Matt (leaning over, whispering): He's right.

Niki: Would you both shut up?! I have a problem.

Mohinder: It's an extraordinary problem. An extraordinary problem indeed.

Niki: I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU YET!

Niki takes a breath.

Niki: This is Tracy.

Tracy waves. Mohinder and Matt wave back.

Matt: We met her, didn't we?

Niki: Remember when I had my little problem with "Jessica"?

Matt: You had problems? She threw me out a window!

Niki: Get over it, that happened forever ago.

Matt: But…it stung.

Niki: Our sister, Barbara, just recently passed away. And now Tracy….is having the same issue.

Matt and Mohinder look at Tracy.

Mohinder: The same issue?

Niki: Yes….as I.

Matt: ….?

Niki: Tracy, has her own Jessica.

Matt: Aw, I wish I had my own Jessica. So much revenge….

Niki: Barbara is dead and now her whatever is inside Tracy, she transforms into her and we all die.

Mohinder: Does she have any abilities?

Niki: Sure, since that's relevant.

She looks at D.L.

Niki: Was it telekinesis?

D.L: That she used shortly before attempting to stab us with the knife. Yeah.

Mohinder: Okay, I'll take your case.

Niki: Our case?

Mohinder: You guys better stay here for now just to be safe.

Niki: Um…

Mohinder: We'll get right on this RIGHT after the graduation. I can't believe Micah and Molly are already graduating high school. They grow up so fast.

Niki: How am I the last person to know about this?

Tracy: When is the graduation?

Matt: In a few weeks.

Tracy: Good…real good.

Niki and D.L exchange looks.

Tracy: Then you'll have plenty of time to attend my funeral.

Matt: You….you're um…..dead?

Tracy looks at Matt and smiles.

Tracy: Yes, Matt Parkman, I am dead.

Matt: You look good for dead.

Tracy: Ha ha….thank you. You're a sweet boy; I may have to spare your life.

Tracy hops out of her seat, everyone is taken aback.

Barbara: Don't be late!

Barbara puts her arms forward, clasping her hands together. She then swings her arms out as Mohinder, Matt, D.L and Niki flying back from the table.

D.L (slamming against a wall): URK!

Niki (kitchen counter): ACK!

Mohinder (landing on the couch): OOF!

Matt (crashing through the coffee table): OW!...That's gonna hurt my back padding….

Barbara jumps up and flies upward, crashing through the roof of the house. She flies off into the distance.

D.L: She can fly now?...That's just great.

Matt (slowly sitting up): Do….we have to bring a dish?…..I haven't cooked…in MONTHS…

Niki sighs and drops her head on the kitchen counter.

Elle runs down the corridor of Level 5. She stops at an empty cell.

Elle: GASP! He's gone!

Samuel: Behind you. How do you keep forgetting this? I'm your only prisoner!

Elle: Just making sure you didn't fly the coop. I have plenty in store for you, my friend.

Samuel: As do I…..

Elle: Bring it.

Samuel: I will.

Elle (walking away): Good.

Samuel: Good.

Elle: Very good.

Samuel: Can't wait.

Elle (opening the door): Neither can I.

Samuel: You're not getting the last word in.

Elle (closing the door): Yes I will.

Samuel: No you won't.

Elle (thinking to herself): I'll use reverse psychology.

Elle: …..(closes the door).

Elle starts to walk off.

Elle: AHH! He still got in the last word! CRAP!

Noah enters the building.

Elle: Mr. B! You're back from your family thing!

Noah: It was nice. We camped, Claire got kidnapped, we had a delicious meal we stole from a nearby camp when that family wasn't looking, the dog almost died. Typical Bennet family outing.

Elle: We have a prisoner! And he didn't escape!

Noah: That's good…

Sylar and Ted walk up, still sporting long, luxurious hair.

Noah: And what the hell is this?!

Sylar: This moron has been following me all day and now our hair is tangled! I hope you're happy!

Ted: Of course I'm not!

Noah: I think I should get started on the next vacation.

Samuel is sitting in his cell, his eyes turn "mental telepathy" white, which has a slightly darker hue than "let's paint the future" white.

Samuel: AHH! What's going on?! Oh…wait….I have someone on my payroll who can do this….

He sits and listens to voices in his head.

Samuel: Yes…..the plan is still in motion. I am aware you lost the girl and the scientist. Get them back. As for me….well….get me out of here. Lydia and Edgar will take care of everything.

Claire runs into the bathroom back at her house.

Claire: Dad was wrong! The time change did happen! I can still make my interview for the job that I didn't know I applied for!

Claire brushes her teeth and finishes getting ready, she bolts out of the door before getting hit by an ambulance.

Claire: …ow….irony….how I hate thee…..

Peter jumps out of the ambulance.

Peter: Claire! Holy crap! Claire, are you alright?

Claire: Just a scratch.

Claire pops her mangled arms and legs back into place.

Peter: Let me give you a ride to the hospital! Actually….

Peter runs back to the ambulance and resets his "_Days gone without hitting cheerleaders"_ counter back to zero.

Peter: I'll hit double digits one day.

Claire: Peter….I'm okay…just…can you give me a ride to my job interview?

Peter: One ride coming up!

Claire: Thank you, Pete…

Peter: What did you just call me?

Claire: Oh come one, you're the one who started that!

Peter drops Claire off in front of the building. She runs inside.

Claire: Hi! Is anybody here? I'm here for a job interview! I don't know what the job is…but I know I'm just supposed to be here.

Voice: You're right on time, Claire.

Claire sits down in the chair at the desk. The chair on the other side reveals Hiro.

Hiro: I have the perfect job for you, indeed, Claire.

Claire: ….

Hiro nonchalantly points to his face.

Claire slowly pulls the Duck Dynasty beard off her face.

Mohinder (_voice over)_: A new world….a second chance. To right our previous wrongs. And to change our future….

Matt (cleaning up): You're seriously doing this now? (Sweeps parts of the broken coffee table under the rug)

Mohinder: SHH!...(voice over) These are the dawn of new days….

Samuel looks out the window in his cell.

Mohinder: Many remember their old world….though memories fade…

Isaac Mendez is drawing on a sketch pad while sitting on the roof of a tall building.

Mohinder: New memories must be made….though some have intentions that are not so pure…

Barbara puts her things in Tracy's desk and walks into Nathan's office.

Mohinder: …lives will go on, the past…will need to catch up…

Angela Petrelli reads a letter, and pulls out a photo of the original first generation of heroes.

Mohinder: The present….prepares for its future….

Micah sits on his bed…holding his graduation cap in his hand. He gets up and walks down the hall, passing an old family photo of him, Niki and D.L. This photo is also in the hands of a man sitting in a chair in a large office.

Mohinder: The future….

The young man continues to look at the picture. He turns his attention to the corkboard on the wall. A young woman walks to his side.

Mohinder: ...is a clear and present danger…as it always is.

Matt: Aaaand….none of that makes sense….

Niki: As it always does…..Wait….Why am I cleaning your stupid house!? Let's go, D.L.

She drops the two bags of trash she was carrying. D.L takes the dishes out of the cabinet and dumps them back into the sink. They both leave the house.

**To Be Continued…**


	2. Inky And The Brain

**The Heroes Parody Project  
Season 5  
Chapter 2**

**Disclaimer: Heroes is copyright its creator, Tim Kring, and NBC. I do not own anything, know or represent any of the cast or crew. This fan fiction is written purely for entertainment purposes only so please don't sue. **

Peter: _Previously on Buns Of Anarchy_…

Peter Petrelli sits on the roof, overlooking The Petrelli Bakery. He reads some letters from his dead father…

Peter: These letters from my dead father will lead me on the correct path…

Arthur's Letter: Peter, you will surely pay for what you did! Just because I'm off the show doesn't mean you've seen the last of me!

Peter (crumpling the letters): I hate it when he does that! Doesn't he understand this isn't part of the show! Sheesh!

Peter walks into the hospital to visit his nurse girlfriend, Claire.

Claire: PETER! We've been over this!

Peter: Relax! I got this under control….you're not my girlfriend. You are however, a foreign exchange student named Manjula.

Claire: Nope! I'm out of here.

Peter: Can you at least read your line?!

Claire (leaving, deadpan): Peter, I don't trust your crazy mother.

Angela flings open the door to the bakery; she runs her fingers through her streaked hair. A man in a wheelchair comes up to her.

Professor X: Excuse me; you must be _Rogue's mother_. I need you to sign this permission slip to take the students on a class trip to Genosha to fight Magneto.

Angela: …..WHAT?!

Samson walks up to Peter.

Samson: Peter, I just wanted to remind you that I'm your step father.

Peter: That sounds like a conflict of interest!

They start slapping each other.

Peter bangs the gavel at the Buns Of Anarchy table.

Peter: I want to greet everyone at this wonderful meeting. Nathan…

Nathan (scratching his large beard): Here!

Peter: Hiro.

Hiro: Aye, laddie.

Peter: Terrible, keep working on that accent. Juicy!

Mohinder (in pain): Why!?...Why did I have to shave my head and get this silly tattoo?! Most shows use fake tattoos, you know!

Peter: I swear if one more person breaks the fourth wall….Matty Elvis!

Matt: Great Balls Of Fire!

Peter: Wow, that's just wrong. Tig?

Sandra (sporting some unconvincing facial hair): Present!

Peter: …..Um…

Sandra: And also present is Little Tig.

Muggles (also sporting some unconvincing facial hair): WOOF!

Sandra: That means he's also present.

Noah walks in somehow sporting less convincing facial hair than Sandra and Muggles.

Noah: Sorry I'm late.

He sees Sandra.

Noah: What are you doing here?! I said I was auditioning for the role of Tig.

Sandra: Your text said "Go audition for the role of Tig".

Noah: Damn auto correct!

Matt: Two Tigs?! Well a Wop Bop A Loo Bop A Lop Bam Boom!

Peter: Okay, meeting's adjourned. I need to get out of here before I throw up. (Reaches for the gavel)

BANG!

The gang walks outside of the club to their bicycles.

Peter: BICYCLES!?

That's right. Bicycles.

Peter: This is a show about motorcycles! We can't look bad and cool running around on these things! There's clickety clack thingies on the spokes for crying out loud!

Peter and the gang hop on top of their BICYCLES and ride off.

Peter: Could you at least take these stupid baskets off the handlebars!?

Hiro: There's a puppy in my basket!

Nathan: There are puppies in all of our baskets!

Peter: Of course there is.

Matt: Dalmatians! I love Dalmatians!

Sandra: I'm naming all mine Mr. Muggles Jr.!

Peter: Groan.

Peter and the gang arrive at The Patty Cake Place.

Peter: So, I heard some bozo is roughing up some of your girls. You must be the manager.

Niki: That's right. Oh, and thanks for typecasting me to look like a stripper. Real nice. (Eyeroll)

Peter: So, what kind of business do you run here?

Niki: Do you not know what Patty Cake is?

Peter: I…do not. Is it the clapping hand thing or is it some sort of cake?

Niki: We make cakes….we used to be called Fatty Cakes but it caused a stir in the overweight community. So now we call ourselves Patty Cakes and just do the clapping thing while we bake so people won't ask questions.

Peter: Why not just do the clapping thing instead of making cakes?

Niki: How the hell am I supposed to make money off of that!?

Peter: Make is sexy! Sing 'Miss Susie' and spice it up.

Niki: Miss Susie had a steamboat?! That's the unsexiest song in the world!

Peter: No it's not!

Niki: If you can make 'Miss Susie' sound sexy, I'll give you a million dollars!

Peter (sultry): Hey….Miss Susie….she had a steam boat…..and that steam boat….guess what?...it had a bell. Boop Boop Be Doop!

Niki: UGH! AWFUL!

Peter: If by awful you mean that I nailed it then yes, it was a giant awful mess!

Niki: And you didn't clap once.

Peter: …OH CRAP! I DIDN'T clap once!

Niki: Just find the jerk who trashed the place already! He's probably gotten married and had three kids by now.

Peter: Okay, what's your name so we can get back to you?

Niki: Here's my card.

Peter (looks at it): Your actual name is Patty Cake?!

Niki: So? You got a problem with that? You give me any crap and you'll have to deal with my brothers: Funnel, Pound, and Tasty!

Peter: _They sound ferocious_. Okay, we're on the case.

They walk out and see Sylar making off with one of their bikes.

Peter: There he is! Let's get him!

The rest of their gang hop on their bikes and chase after him.

Peter wheels up to him.

Peter: You're never going to get away with this!

Sylar: For the record, can you leave me an email or something whenever you idiots do these "skits"!? I thought we were filming the damn show!

Peter: I need something to take him down.

Hiro: I brought this from the shop!

Hiro hands Peter a French Baguette. He shoves it between the spokes of Sylar's bike, sending him flying.

Sylar: AHHHHHHHHH!

Peter: Okay, boys. Let's rough him up!

The rest of the gang grabs their baguettes and starts wailing on Sylar.

Sylar: ACK! OW!...Hey, those smell delicious! ACK!...

They finish with him and group up.

Peter: Looks like the day is saved. Nobody messes with these Buns!

Hiro: ….

Nathan: ….

Matt: ….

Mohinder: …

Peter: ….All in favor to change the name of the club when we get back?

Everyone: Aye!

Peter: All approved. Meeting adjourned.

Peter pulls out a miniature gavel.

BANG!

Claire wakes up in her bed.

Claire: Another weird dream?! Man, I have got to get my head checked. I think I have something loose.

Claire rips off the covers.

Claire: And where the hell did all this bread come from!?

Sandra: Claire, get up! The family is starting a bakery. Do you want to know what we named it?

Claire (deadpan): Let me guess…Buns of Anarchy?

Sandra: Hmm. We were going to go with The Walking Bread, but yours is much better.

She leans out the door.

Sandra: NOAH! We're changing the name of the bakery again!

Noah (downstairs): What happened to "Yeastbound and Down"?!

Sandra (turning back): You just saved the business, Claire!

Claire: Oh goody...…Previously on Heroes. (Goes back to bed)

Claire checks her text messages.

Peter: The Redux program has been shut down, and I have restored the world to a new state. I am now an ambulance driver.

Noah: Pack your bags! The Bennets are taking a Duck Dynasty Vacation.

Niki and D.L are lying in bed.

Niki: Tracy, you're back from your vacation?

Barbara: I'm not Tracy, I'm Barbara.

She summons a knife from the other room and plunges it down on the bed as Niki and D.L fall through the ground and into the basement.

Tracy: I don't know what's going on.

D.L: So Barbara is Tracy's…Jessica?

Niki: Ugh, I hope not.

At Matt and Mohinder's dinner table.

Barbara: My funeral will be soon, I hope you all will attend.

Barbara flies out of the house, sending everyone flinging out of their chairs. She crashes through the roof and heads off.

Elle (to Samuel Sullivan): I don't know what you're up to. But it's bad! I know it.

Elle (to Sylar and Ted): You two with me. We're going to do some good ol' fashioned torturing.

Samuel (via telepathy): I know we lost the girl after the change. Get her back! The plan is still going forward.

Claire arrives at her job interview.

Hiro: Claire! It's good to see you again. Have a seat, we have much to discuss.

Niki: Micah's Graduation?!

D.L: Uh, yeah, he's graduating from High School. Where have you been?

A mysterious woman stands beside a man sitting in a chair. They are looking at a picture of The Sanders family.

**Angela Petrelli  
Downtown, New York  
Not too far away from Downtown, Julie Brown**

A limousine pulls up to the entrance of a fancy café downtown. Angela Petrelli steps out, shortly before being swarmed by photographers.

Paparazzi: Mrs. Petrelli! Over here!

CLICK! CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!

Angela makes her way into the café, and takes a seat. Sitting across from her is Kaito Nakamura and Bob Bishop.

Bob: What on Earth was that?

Angela: What? Oh…that?...It's just the Paps. They are always following me.

Kaito: That felt extremely staged.

Bob: That _did_ feel staged. Did you invite us to brunch just so we could see you get your picture taken?

Angela: Don't be ridiculous!

Kaito: The photographers were hired.

Angela: What did I just say about being ridiculous!?

Bob: I have a feeling this is going to be one of your front page articles on _The Petrelli Tribune_, which I still get delivered to my porch three times a week against my will.

He pulls out his latest article.

Bob (reading): _Peter finally learns how to separate his whites from his colors_.

Angela (snatching the paper): That took 36 years! How is that not front page material!? Anyway, I didn't call you here for that.

Bob: You called us for brunch.

Angela: This place doesn't serve food.

Bob and Kaito look at each other.

Later, at an actual restaurant.

Kaito (watching his assistant cut up his eggs): So, what is this about?

Angela: I had a dream last night….

Bob: We haven't talked to you in months and you brought us here to tell us that!? Ever heard of a phone?

Angela: Let me finish. We all know I'm an expert when it comes to dreaming of the future.

Kaito: ..ish.

Angela: I have a feeling something bad is going to happen. And only the three of us, the three surviving founders of The Company, can stop it.

Kaito: Too old.

Angela: You're not too old. With us joining forces…

Kaito: I was talking about you…..Ha!

Angela: You're 14 years older than me, Nakamura. And you better watch that tongue or you'll end up in the obituaries of The Petrelli Tribune!

Kaito: Oh my….

Kaito gets up.

Kaito: I don't have time for this foolishness. I have to surprise my son with a visit to remind him how disappointing he is. Goodbye.

Kaito leaves. The assistant sits down and eats his breakfast.

Bob: So, about this dream?

Angela: It was unlike a dream I've ever had before.

Waitress: Are you ready to order?

Angela: Actually, I had a question. What in the world is a Patty Cake?

**Niki Sanders  
The Sanders Residence  
Where the kisses are hers, and hers are his…**

Matt (singing): Three's Company too!

Niki: Oh, shut up!

Matt: What was that for?!

Niki: Wait. Didn't we just leave your house? Why are you two here!?

Mohinder: In the name of science! I have been looking into our problem and it is apparent that Tracy has embodied the well…body…of your dead sister, Barbara.

Niki: That doesn't make any sense. Assuming the identities of my sisters is my thing.

Mohinder: Not necessarily. You three are triplets and most likely possess the same ability to inhabit the embodiment of a close one as a form of a coping mechanism. Like with you and your adoptive sister, Jessica.

D.L: And now Tracy with Barbara.

Matt: And Niki with Gina, the runaway scamp with a heart of gold that she met one time at summer camp.

Niki: What?! Gina wasn't even real, she was a persona I just made up….and assumed the identity fully, which kind of debunks your theory, Doc.

Mohinder: No, not really. Moving on…

Niki: ….

Mohinder: I don't think she means any real harm.

Niki: She almost stabbed us!

Matt: And she stabbed our roof…._with her face_….when she flew through it!

Mohinder: She kept saying that she died and wants us to go to her funeral. I say we do it.

Niki: That's nuts! I never even met her!

Mohinder: Maybe that's why! You never had a chance to meet your other sister. Maybe this is somehow a way of getting us all together to wish her off. Off onto the unknown.

Niki: The only thing off onto the unknown is your head! If she wanted us to attend her funeral, she could have at asked nicely instead of almost killing us! Has she never heard of a phone!?

Mohinder: Well, that's all I have for you now until I do more research. Yes….mmm…research.

Niki: Get out.

Mohinder: What I meant is that it's the only way we are going to save Tracy….at least for now.

Niki: Ugh…..fine. Let's go to the funeral.

Matt and Mohinder: YAY!

Niki: Now get the hell out of my house!

**The Company  
In An Elevator Shaft  
Love in an elevator, Livin' it up when I'm….Uh oh, The cable snapped! AHHHHHHH!**

A mysterious masked man tethers his way down the empty elevator shaft, passing by:

**Chapter Two "Inky And The Brain"**

He stops off at Level 5, prying open the doors with his hands. He makes it through and heads down the hall, past the security cameras, and into the holding areas. In his cell, Samuel Sullivan gets up and looks out and notices the man approaching him.

Samuel: What's this?

The man pulls out a book and flips through pages. He rips out a page and hands it to Samuel:

Man: Destroy this page in exactly 13 minutes.

The man leaves.

Samuel: Not who I was expecting to pick me up, but this will do, I suppose.

Samuel reads the page.

Samuel: Interesting.

12 minutes later. Elle shows up and beats on the cell.

Elle: Okay, stinky, time to hit the showers!

Elle opens the cell and follows Samuel down the hall to the shower area. He watches the clock.

:57…:58….:59…..:00

Samuel holds his hand to his mouth and coughs out the paper the man gave to him. He rips it up. He turns around to find Elle has disappeared.

Samuel: …..

Samuel takes off running down the hall, he makes his was down the stairwell and out the side door of the building as a car pulls up.

Elle walks into the holding area and up to Samuel's cell.

Elle: Okay, stinky, time to hit the show…

Samuel's cell is empty.

Elle (confused): …

Samuel gets into the passenger seat. The man is writing down in his notebook, his eyes are white.

Samuel: Um…thanks for this lift.

The man finishes writing and takes a deep breath. He closes his book.

The car speeds away.

**HEROES**

**Claire Bennet  
Hiro's Office  
Comics and Figures and Lord of The Rings. These are a few of my favorite things!**

Claire is walking around, messing with some of the collectibles in Hiro's office.

Hiro (walking in): Sorry to keep you waiting, Claire.

Claire: No problem.

Claire picks up a Star Wars Lightsaber. She turns it on and notices one of her fingers fall to the floor.

Claire: These things are real!?

Hiro runs over and snatches it out of her hand.

Hiro: Of course they're real. Please, sit.

Claire: Oh, sure.

Claire sits down at the desk. Her finger grows back.

Hiro: I've returned with your paperwork. Everything came back great, so you can start on Monday. Congratulations!

Claire: Great!...You still haven't told me what the actual job is yet.

Hiro: After the fall of Genesis: Redux, I've come to realize that we're all starting to get along in our years.

Claire: Speak for yourself, Mac!

Hiro: And I've realized that as much as I've saved the world over the years….

Claire (using her fingers): I count four….five tops.

Hiro: I think it's time to use my wisdom and experience to open up a school for gifted youngsters, ala Professor Charles Xavier, and train a new Generation of Heroes. The Next Generation. You see what I did there? Because Xavier was played by…

Claire: Yeah, I get it...not really. So um, isn't that what Micah's for? Him, Molly and technically myself are considered The Third Generation.

Hiro: Well, they're both kind of busy with the Graduation so we'll be skipping a generation.

Claire: I'm still here! I'm not doing anything!

Hiro: But you will be….as the school nurse.

Claire: School Nurse? But I don't have any medical experience.

Hiro: Not from what I've seen. You show great potential in the medical profession.

Claire: What? From my 30 seconds in the Buns Of Anarchy skit?

Hiro: Good point. I guess you'll just have to go to medical school.

Claire: That'll take years!

Hiro: Not with me around!

Hiro walks over, grabs Claire's shoulder and they both teleport out of the office.

**Many years later.**

Hiro and Claire appear outside of the school.

Hiro: Here we are! Nurse Claire is ready to go!

Claire: Um…I traveled with you. I didn't get to experience any of the time I spent here because I wasn't here.

Hiro: Oh right, I should have known that. Hold on.

**Many years ago.**

Hiro: Okay, we're back in my office. You sign up for medical school and I'll teleport into the future so I won't have to wait on you.

Claire: No! That plan sucks!

Hiro: Okay….hmm.

Claire: I'm assuming that the only reason you want me as a nurse is for me to inject my blood into patients whose heads fall off or something. I'll just do the job anyway.

Hiro: Not unlicensed, you won't. Pack your bags; we're going super power shopping.

Meanwhile, in one car.

Samuel gets on the phone.

Samuel (on the phone): I'm out of prison, thanks to our friend here.

Man: …

Samuel (phone): Where are you at?

In another car, parked outside of Mohinder and Matt's house. Lydia is on the phone while Edgar is eavesdropping on the house with surveillance equipment.

Lydia (phone): We're outside the Doctor's house. What's our next move?

Edgar: Some kid's graduating High School, some woman named Barbara died, and a woman flew out of the house.

Samuel: Are they still there?

Edgar: They went to the neighbor's house.

Samuel: Get the doctor and meet me back at the carnival. We'll deal with the girl later.

Edgar: So that's that. What do we do?

Lydia: Well, we can't just walk right up there. We might get recognized….and one of them can read minds.

Edgar: So….smash and grab?

Lydia: You're too violent, Edgar. I have a much more brilliant idea.

Later.

Edgar: You sure this is going to work? It sounds really stupid.

Lydia: Trust me.

Edgar leaves the car. Back in Niki's house, the doorbell rings.

Mohinder: I'll get it for no apparent reason.

Mohinder opens the door and finds a trail of papers leading from it to the car.

Edgar (hiding in the car, to Lydia): Subtle.

Lydia: Yes, I know.

Mohinder: Whoever thought it was a good idea to litter like this in the street needs a good punch. Hey, what's this?

Mohinder grabs one of the papers.

Mohinder: This…looks like….

Lydia (in the car): Looks like….

Mohinder: …RESEARCH!

Lydia: We got him.

Mohinder starts picking up the papers one by one, following the trail to the car.

Edgar: Like a scientist moth…to….the….flame….of…science.

Lydia: What?

Edgar: Nevermind.

Mohinder finishes the trail outside of Edgar's car door.

Mohinder: Oh look, Villains.

Edgar flings the door open, bashing Mohinder's head in the process. He falls to the ground, unconscious.

Lydia: EDGAR!

Edgar: Sorry! I was just going to do a smash and grab.

Lydia: …

Edgar: But without the smash….so just a grab. But…since I…hit him….Smash and Grab!

Edgar hops out and throws Mohinder in the back seat. He hops back in and peels away. Niki runs to the front door.

Niki: Oh my god! _Mohinder just left my front door wide open_! HOW RUDE!

Matt (playing UNO): Yeah. He's terrible at that. I can't even begin to tell you how many birds we have crapping all over our stuff.

Back at the restaurant.

Bob: So tell me about this dream. I'm only pretending to be interested because I have an appointment at Supercuts in thirty minutes and its right next door.

Angela: Well, I….wait, what? You make appointments at Supercuts? I thought you can just walk right in and go.

Bob: I'm far too rich to do that.

Angela: What? From stealing things, turning them into gold and selling it on the Black Market?

Bob: No. And like you have any room to talk. You steal socks.

Angela: But they're just friggin socks from the Dollar Store! I don't turn them into gold!

Bob: I might know a person for that.

Bob swipes the silverware on the table, turns it to gold, and stuffs it in a bag.

Angela: Gold Silverware?

Bob: It's technically called Goldware now.

Angela: Well, that's stupid. Anyway, this dream I had….I was in a room….

-Dreamback…Flashdream…whatever sounds less ridiculous-

Angela walks into the room. There is a lone table in the middle, nothing else. She walks to the table to find an envelope. She pulls out a photo of the original founders of The Company. Behind the photo is a letter.

Alpha…Omega…Beginning…End…You…Me…

Angela: Hmm. Cryptic. Well, that can't be good.

Voice: Are you dreaming about me?

Angela: I guess?

Voice: Or…am I dreaming about you?

Angela: You speak in riddles, disembodied voice. And I don't like it! Good day.

Angela walks over and opens the door to be overcome by a giant wave of water.

FWOOOOSH!

-End-

Bob: You drank too much water the night before.

Angela: That's it?! The weird creepy cryptic message and the weird dream because I drank too much water?

Bob: Yup.

Later, at Supercuts.

Angela: I couldn't have drank too much water, I had bladder reduction surgery.

Bob: Bladder reduction surgery?

Angela: Yes, there's nothing worse than having to leave in the middle of a movie and go to the bathroom because I drank too much! Having a smaller bladder remedies that.

Bob: Wouldn't having a smaller bladder just make you go to the bathroom _more_?

Angela: No. Since my bladder is smaller, it can't hold as much liquid, so I can't drink as much.

Bob: Your bladder doesn't work like that.

Angela: Well, are you going to help me or not?

Bob: With what?! I still don't know what the problem is!

Angela: I don't know either….I just know something bad is coming. So…be prepared!

Angela storms out of Supercuts. Meanwhile, Mohinder wakes up in the back seat of Edgar's car.

Mohinder: AHHH! What happened to those research papers!?

Edgar: THAT'S the question he asks!?

Lydia: Mohinder, do you know who I am?

Mohinder: Yes, you two are the Carnival employees who tried to kill us last season.

Lydia: No we didn't!

Mohinder: He did! (Points to Edgar)

Edgar: Lydia!

Lydia: What?

Edgar: I don't know, I'd figured you were going to yell at me so I beat you to the punch.

Lydia: Edgar?! You…man, I just don't have it in me to get on to you. You did beat me to the punch.

Edgar: That's why I did it.

Lydia: Listen, we're not trying to hurt you.

Edgar: Just our boss.

Lydia: EDGAR!

Edgar: Dang, missed that one.

Mohinder: Where are you taking me?

Lydia: Back to the carnival.

Mohinder: Well, that's not good.

Meanwhile…..

Matt bursts into Niki and D.L's…

Matt: Mohinder's been kidnapped!

Niki: Did you leave my door open too!? No wonder you have birds crapping all over your house!

Matt: I left here, went home, and saw that he had an unfinished sciency paperwork on the table. He never leaves those unfinished. I know he got kidnapped!

Niki: We have bigger fish to fry. We have to go to my estranged sister's funeral so I can get the body of my other estranged sister back. One thing at a time!

Matt turns to see Hiro and Claire walk in.

Niki: What is this? A cast meeting? What are all of you doing in my house?!

Hiro: We need to talk to Mohinder.

Niki: You just missed him.

Matt: He just got kidnapped!

Claire: What?! Now how am I supposed to become a nurse?!...Wait….How was I supposed to become a nurse again?

Hiro: Mohinder may have the list. You know, THE list. Upon that list lies a man who can bestow knowledge upon anyone.

Niki: So he's a teacher?

Hiro: No….he can teach anyone the knowledge to do….anything.

D.L: So….he can enable people to cheat.

Hiro: It's not cheating if…they….are not cheating.

Niki: They accomplish reaching a certain goal without doing jack squat….that's cheating.

Hiro: No it's not. He will teach Claire how to be a nurse…opening up a school for gifted youngsters by the way…

Niki: Don't care. Wait!...Nope, don't care.

Hiro: And he will make a valuable asset to the team.

Claire: What good will he do there?

Hiro: Any student that passes through will immediately retain the knowledge to do whatever they want….just really quickly…without any effort really.

D.L: That's cheating.

Hiro: That's not cheating!

Niki: How are you going to get schmucks to sign up for this crap?

Hiro: We'll go out into the world….bring them to our compound, where they will be safe from the outside world. Their secrets will be safe. Their abilities will be safe.

Matt: So….it's like The Company?

Hiro: NO!

Claire: That REALLY sounds like The Company.

Hiro: IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE X-MEN, DAMMIT!

Meanwhile, at said Company. Elle was in the break room with Sylar and Ted.

Ted: Elle, you look nervous.

Elle: What? No! Don't be stupid! You're funny. Haaaaaaa.

Sylar: ….(raises an eyebrow).

Elle: Not buying it?

Sylar: No.

Ted: Almost.

Elle: Yeah…sooo….Samuel escaped and I have no idea where he went.

Sylar: You let the prisoner escape?! Ha! You're getting fired, and I'll be getting a sweet promotion….Wait, I don't even want to be here! Who cares about the promotion!?

Elle: This is serious! We have to go out there and find him before Mr. B shows….

Noah gets off the elevator and enters the room.

Elle: EEEK!

Elle grabs Sylar's plate and throws it in the trash.

Sylar: What was that for?!

Elle: Mr. B?! What are you doing here?! Shut up. You're so funny…Haaaaa….

Noah: …..(raises eyebrow).

In Noah's office.

Elle (crying): I'm really sorry, Mr. B…..(sob)

ZAP!

Elle: Ow…I just have no idea how he escaped (sob).

ZAP!

Elle: Ow….I can understand if you want to fire me. Just do it through a text message. I do it all the time with guys I date. It's really easy. He'll understand.

Noah: Elle, I've had a really long day. I just got through making over a thousand loaves of bread. I reek of …well, I smell like a bakery. I also didn't know that it was for a stupid pre-show skit and not the actual episode. I didn't get that memo from Peter.

Sylar (from the other room): Don't even get me started on that!

Noah: I'm going to lay down on my desk, take a nap, and not have nightmares about a family made of bread eating slices of me for dinner.

Elle: "A Slice Of Bennet"…..sounds like the perfect name for a biography. I know what I'm doing in the next Volume!

Noah: Just go capture Samuel; I'll catch up after I get my nap.

Elle: You got it.

Elle storms out.

Elle: Come, peons! We have work to do!

Outside!

Elle: Everyone! Prepare to use….The Rings!

They hold their rings up.

Elle: EARTH!

Sylar: Fire….(eyeroll)

Ted: WIND!

…

…

Man: With your powers combined…I am CAPTAIN PLANET!

Elle looks down to see a man who only has the top part of his torso, climbing on the ground.

Captain Planet: Kiilll…mee…..

Elle: AHHH! What the hell is that!?

Ted: So that's what happens when all 5 members aren't around to summon him. Pretty graphic for a kids show. That's why I stick to Nick At Night.

Elle: I'm so sorry, Mr. Planet! Here, _take this Buffalo Wild Wings gift card_. If you take it to them and give them money…they'll be happy to put it on the card for you. Then you can get whatever your little heart desires!

Captain Planet: URRK!

Ted: This probably wouldn't have happened if we had some more people.

Elle: You're right! A career fair so we can recruit more agents! I know what I'm doing in the next Volume!

Sylar: Ugh….

Meanwhile, while kidnapped…

Mohinder: Well, since I'm going to be kidnapped again, I suppose I could tell you two a little tidbit about myself.

**3 hours later.**

Mohinder (while reminiscing): And no matter how hard I tried to be brilliant…which I was….I always knew that I could never live up to father's expectations.

Edgar (to Lydia): Have I passed out and wrecked yet?

Lydia looks up from her magazine.

Lydia: No. (Goes back to reading).

Mohinder: And all the other kids were jealous. Jealous of my genius! On the Playground…well, it was actually called the Research Ground….it's where we had recess. We didn't have swing sets and hop scotch….mostly the kids would run around and solve scientific equations.

Edgar starts slowly banging his head on the wheel.

Mohinder: The kids always made fun of me. They used to call me _Most-Hindered Suresh_! I wrote the tales of my childhood in my diary, which I have completely memorized and will relay to you now. Prologue….

Edgar jerks the steering wheel. The car spins and Mohinder flies out of the passenger door, tumbling into the street. He speeds off.

Lydia: Edgar! What are you doing?!

Edgar: I can't take it anymore, Lydia. We can come back for him, and I'll take the heat for it….I just….we'll need to do him later.

Lydia: But I totally understand! I know what you were thinking! That's how you could possibly do this!

Edgar: What…what was that?

Lydia: I'm trying to scold you with compliments. I'm trying something new.

Edgar: ….I like it.

Lydia: Me too.

Edgar: Let's just get the girl for now.

Lydia: I have a better idea.

A car zooms by. Matt, Hiro and Claire are in the back seat while Niki and D.L are up front.

Claire: Where are we going?

D.L: To the school. Micah and Molly are rehearsing their graduation ceremony. We can use her to track Mohinder.

Niki: We seriously need to start putting tracking tags on everyone. (To D.L) I know you haven't been on these wacky adventures as long as we have. But the "Someone's missing, get Molly" card has been played far too much on this show.

Matt: Wait, Hiro, why don't you just teleport in the past and prevent Mohinder from getting kidnapped.

Hiro: Oh no, after my foray into reliving Season One, I don't ever want to time travel again for the rest of the season.

Claire: You just time travelled not too long ago to a future where I _didn't _go to medical school.

Hiro: That's different because it didn't work. Besides….isn't time travel cheating?

Niki: Now he has a morality complex about cheating.

Hiro: My school isn't cheating!

Claire: So if I become a nurse. This guy will give me the knowledge. But aren't I'm supposed to have a license or something? Legally speaking, of course.

Hiro: On the very same list there is a woman of legend. She can conjure up these licenses. You know…bypassing the whole "school" part.

Niki: HOW IS THAT NOT CHEATING!? That's worse than the first guy!

Hiro: NO IT'S NOT! X-MEN!

They pass by an ambulance. The ambulance passes by Mohinder, who is lying in the street.

Mohinder: Well, that's nice.

Lydia reaches her hand out and helps him up.

Mohinder: It's you. What are you doing here?

Lydia: I had Edgar drop me off so I came back. Listen, we really need your help. Sorry for the kidna…

Mohinder: Ahem…

Lydia: ….sorry….about the bogus research papers.

Mohinder: Thank you.

Lydia: But, you need to give the carnival a chance. Samuel, all of us, we have big plans in store for the future. Only someone as…extraordinary….

Mohinder: E….E….Extraordinary? I love that word!

Lydia: Yes! Extraordinary….as you. Only you can help us move forward onto the next stage. We have someone with us who can see the future. So I want to show you this…..

Lydia turns around and lifts up her shirt, exposing her back. Black ink stars moving through her skin, swirling around, starting to form a picture.

Mohinder: That's….me.

The picture shows Mohinder being applauded by an audience.

Lydia: That's you. Being adored….by your fans.

Mohinder: Fans?

Lydia: Of course. (She puts her shirt back down and turns back to Mohinder). You can show people the real meaning of science. People from all over the world will come to see you. They will want to hear what you have to say. What you have to show them. What you have….to teach them. You….can change the world.

Mohinder: I….can change the world.

Lydia: People will be inspired by you.

Mohinder: Inspired?...

Lydia: You….will be anything but….most hindered.

Mohinder: GASP! That's what the kids used to….

Lydia: Yeah, yeah. Don't tell the story again.

Mohinder: I….want to change the world.

Lydia: And you've already taken the first step.

Meanwhile, back at Hiro's office. Edgar is peeking in the window.

Edgar: Hmm….security seems pretty loose. Let's see.

He pulls out a large dagger.

Edgar: Let's cut ourselves a nice hole so I can spy-like my way through it.

Edgar slowly places the tip of the dagger against the glass window.

Tink!

The glass window shatters into a million pieces.

Edgar: Hmm. Must have grabbed the wrong knife. Well, THAT wasn't very spy-like.

His phone rings.

Edgar (answering): HMM!?

Lydia (on the phone): The Doctor…is in.

Edgar: What was that?

Lydia: A pun. I'm trying something new.

Edgar: I don't like it.

Lydia: Me neither. So, Suresh is on board. What did you find out?

Edgar: Well, after using expert stealth and cat like reflexes….

Lydia spots 10 cop cars whiz past her.

Lydia: Uh huh….

Edgar (hears the sirens): Uh oh.

Edgar runs in and quickly looks through files.

Edgar (on the phone): It looks like this Hiro Nakamura guy is recruiting the girl to be a part of his school for people with abilities. Good thing I'm not just a run of the mill guy, or else I'd be freaking out right about now.

Lydia: You ran inside!? Most people flee the scene of the crime.

Edgar: Which is what I'm doing right now! I'll see you back at the carnival.

Lydia: Like hell you will! Come pick us up!

Edgar: Oh yeah, forgot about that.

Edgar hops in his car and speeds off.

Meanwhile, Angela is asleep.

-Dreamtime-

Angela is in the room where she was before. There is no furniture. The walls are bare. The floor, no carpet. The windows, you cannot see out of.

Angela: Well, this dream is just as pointless as the last one.

Angela suddenly falls through the floor.

-End-

Angela wakes up in her bed.

Angela: I knew something is wrong. "You drank too much water" he says.

Angela grabs her schedule book.

Angela (writing): Tomorrow. 4 pm. Meet Bob Bishop for drinks. Give him a good swift kick to the neck.

She puts down the book and goes back to bed. Then gets back up and grabs the book.

Angela (writing): Tomorrow. 3 pm. Brush up on Pilates. Nothing is worse than a leg cramp.

She puts away the book and goes to sleep.

Meanwhile, an ambulance continues its way to the hospital. Peter is driving.

Peter: How are we doing back there?

West Rosen and Daphne Millbrook are in the back.

West: He's stable!

Daphne: You know, I don't think I bothered to stop and ask. How did you go from Nurse to Ambulance Driver, and how did we both become EMT's?

Peter: Through the power of reading!

Daphne: Oh, shut up! Seriously! I just rob people and this guy manages the Hot Dog On A Stick kiosk at the mall.

West: I wish! I hear their Dental Plan is top notch!

Peter: It's a long story. Just keep the patient alive. The beginning of the season isn't really a good time for him.

_Nathan_ is on the gurney, he motions for Daphne.

Daphne: What is it?

He whispers something in her ear.

Daphne: He said something about suing the show.

Peter: Yeah, if I had a nickel. Just hang in there, bro! We're gonna get you fixed up, then we'll find your killer.

Nathan: I'm….not….dead….yet….

Peter: But we'll need to be Private Detectives for that…..Hmm…we have to go to school and everything….eh, I'll check with Suresh. Surely there's someone on the list who can bypass all of that for us.

Daphne: Isn't that cheating?

Peter: ….Yeah, pretty much.

Daphne: Oh good, I love cheating!

Meanwhile, in an unknown location.

The mysterious man runs into the room, avoiding gunfire. He runs over to the woman, standing in front of the corkboard with the picture of Micah's family on the front.

Man: It's time. We have to go now.

Woman: I….I'm not sure about this. Think of all the change….

Man: We don't have a choice. I know it's selfish. But we can't end it like this. Grab the band.

The woman takes out a key and unlocks a drawer; she pulls out an arm band with digits on it.

Woman: There's no going back from this.

Man: I know.

The woman places the band on the man's arm, she holds onto it.

Woman: I'm ready.

The man presses a few buttons as the doors to the room fly open. Some armed men fire shots, but the bullets stop right in front of them. They watch as the bullets slowly fly backwards into the gun. The men leave the room. Night and day cycles over and over. The building around them starts to crumble. On the road they watch night and day continue to cycle quickly as buildings rise and fall. A blur of millions of people and cars whizzing past them. The number of the current year on the arm band continues to count backward at blazing speed. It slowly makes its way to its destination….and stops at 2013.

Woman: …..

Man: …..

The band explodes off of his arm. It burns up in the middle of the street.

Man: That's it.

Woman: Yeah. Did we make it?

The man looks around and spots a newspaper.

Man: Yeah…this is 2013. We're right where we need to be.

The front page refers to The 2013-2014 Graduation of The High School Seniors.

Woman: _The Petrelli Tribune must have gone out of business a long time ago._ I've never even heard of it!

Man: Now….we just need to find Micah.

Woman: Do you think he'll help us?

Man: Of course.

He puts away the newspaper.

Man: He has to. We _are_ family, after all.

The man and woman walk away.

**To Be Continued.**


End file.
